Mid College Crisis

 I think all college students go through a moment where they feel like they aren't doing the right thing. The wonder is the degree they are perusing is really right for them. A lot of students change majors at least once, but for some this can be a huge inner struggle of self identity. I mean lets face it as adults we define ourselves by our careers so this concept of picking a field that will define us for life is not an easy choice. 

I changed majors twice. When I first entered college at 18 fresh out of high school I was tracked as Pre- Nursing at The Community College of Rhode Island. My goal was to become a pediatric trauma nurse, and work in a pediatric hospitals ER. After two and a half years of working my way thorough pre requirements to even apply to the program and a failed attempt at anatomy, I realized Nursing was not for me. I wanted to help people especially kids but this was not the way I was going to do it. I sat with my advisor and decided Teaching was what I was meant to do and I was going to do everything I could to get into The Rhode Island College School of teaching. After one more semester at CCRI I was accepted into RIC and my goal was to apply to the school of edu at the end of that year. 

My first semester at RIC I took a fundamentals of teaching class, my Professor Corinne McKamey was one of the smartest people I had ever met. Her background in education was astounding and her kindness and compassion radiated in every lesson. About half way thought the semester she asked me to stay after class for a few minutes and she asked me if I had ever heard of Youth Development. It was a major that she had helped create and after hearing my hope and dreams about helping youth she felt it would be a perfect fit. 

September of 2019 I was officially declared a Youth Development Major at Rhode Island College. 

Fall of 2020 came around and I was faced with a another college crisis. I knew I cared about youth. I knew that my heart was designed to love and appreciate kids and give them all the help and support I could but what if I was not the support they needed? I had now taken two semesters of social work and youth development classes and the echoing theme I kept hearing was that schools and kids didn't need more white women telling them what to do. I felt horrible, I cared so much about my students but what if me caring wasn't enough. What if I didn't know how to care for them the right way? What if I was just contributing to the bigger issue? What if me caring about youth was not enough to actually support them? After a lot of soul searching and research and a few meetings with my teacher at the time I came to a realization.

I am willing and able to put the work into myself so that I can still lead with compassion but also with education. 

I am a white women and I can not change that about myself anymore then my students can change that they are not white, however I can do my part in educating my self on the actual needs of my students. I can use my ears to listen to there stories, there history and there culture and do my best to honor it in my youth space. 

Above all I can still care about my students, but saying you care without action and education is like trying to save someone who is drowning with out knowing how to swim your self and not having the life preserver to throw.